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Quoting the funny Abraham Lincoln :

“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

“When I hear a man preach, I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.”

“No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar.”

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The absent are always wrong. - English proverb

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone else to blame.

Faults are thick where love is thin. - Danish proverb

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

Money isn't everything . . . but if you have kids in college,
it surely keeps them in touch.

People who drive like hell are bound to get there.

Wise men take advice. Fools don't.

A bird in the hand is safer than one that’s directly overhead.

Click here for other funny proverbs.