Witty and funny Ageing quotations . . . click on the authors’ names for more:

Bill Cosby :
“When you become senile, you won't know it.”

Bob Hope :
“You still chase women, but only downhill.”

“She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.”

“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.”

“I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.”

Cathy Ladman :
“My grandmother's 90; she's dating a man 93. They never argue . . . they can't hear each other.”

George Burns :
“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”

“Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.”

“By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.”

“When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.”

“You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.”

“First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”

“At my age flowers scare me.”

“Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.”

“I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.”

“People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.”

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

Groucho Marx :
“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.”

Jack Benny :
“I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.”

Lucille Ball :
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.”

“A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright."

Mark Twain :
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”

Sir Norman Wisdom, OBE :
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes . . . and I can't remember the other two.”

Oscar Wilde :
“A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.”

 “No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.”

Pablo Picasso :
“The older you get the stronger the wind gets . . . and it's always in your face.”

“We don't grow older, we grow riper.”

Robert Quillen :
 “ As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.”

W. C. Fields :
“Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.”