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Quoting the funny Andy Rooney :

“Vegetarian . . . that's an old Indian word meaning ‘lousy hunter’.”

“If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.”

“Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.”

“Elephants and grandchildren never forget.”

“Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research, it is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and . . . ”