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Quoting the funny Ann Landers - Part 1:

“At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”

“Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”

“One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closest friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.”

“Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals. Nobody wants to read the small print in dreams.”

“The Lord gave us two ends - one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.”

“The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven't thought of yet.”

“You need that guy like a giraffe needs strep throat.”

“The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie.”

“People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.”

“If you want to save face, keep the lower half shut”

“Asking a writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp post how it feels about dogs”