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Quoting the funny Bill Cosby :

“My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!”

“A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice.”

“Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.”

“Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.”

“That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.”

“When you become senile, you won't know it.”

“Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.”

“You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.”

“I want to die before my wife, and the reason is this: If it is true that when you die, your soul goes up to judgment, I don't want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things.”

“Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.”

“Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?" The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.”

“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework”

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”