Witty and funny Children quotations . . . click on the authors’ names for more.

Anonymous :
“Children are natural mimics; they act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good manners.”

“You know your children have grown up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going.”

Bob Hope :
“I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance . . . waiting for the bathroom.”

"My father told me all about the birds and the bees. The liar . . . I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one."

Dick van Dyke :
“I don't have any children, I have four middle-aged people.”

Erma Bombeck :
“Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.”

“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.”

“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.”

“Youngsters of the age of two or three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump it into the bathtub.”

George W. Bush :
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

Jon Stewart :
"We spend so much money on the military, yet we're slashing education budgets throughout the country. No wonder we've got smart bombs and stupid children.”

Ogden Nash :
“Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.”

Roseanne Barr :
“Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?”