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Quoting the funny Dennis Miller :

“You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R”

“After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.”

“A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.”

“Born again? No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time!”

“Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.”

“The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.”