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Quoting the funny Dick van Dyke :

“Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.”

“I don't have any children, I have four middle-aged people.”

“We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

 

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The absent are always wrong. - English proverb

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone else to blame.

Faults are thick where love is thin. - Danish proverb

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

Money isn't everything . . . but if you have kids in college,
it surely keeps them in touch.

People who drive like hell are bound to get there.

Wise men take advice. Fools don't.

A bird in the hand is safer than one that’s directly overhead.

Click here for other funny proverbs.