Witty and funny Doctors quotations . . . click on the authors’ names for more.

Anonymous :
“A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.”

Dave Barry :
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So for today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”

Dolly Parton :
“Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.”

"If I have one more facelift I'll have a beard!"

“You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!”

Erma Bombeck :
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

George W. Bush :
“Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country.”

Groucho Marx :
“She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.”

Jay Leno :
“Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.”

“According to doctors, George Bush has the lowest heartbeat ever recorded by someone in the White House. Well, second lowest. Dick Cheney got his down to zero a couple of times.”

Samuel Goldwyn :
“Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.”