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Quoting the funny Groucho Marx

"Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife."

“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”

“Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.”

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”

“Before I speak, I have something important to say.”

“Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.”

“Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, that is of course . . . if you like living in an institution.”

“She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.”

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.”

"Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!"

“Madam, before I get through with you, you will have a clear case for divorce, and so will my wife.”

“You know, you haven’t stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.”

“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.”

“From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it.”

“Here’s to our girlfriends and wives; may they never meet!”

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

“Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses, on second thought, just let me cover your face.”

“She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'd be glad to make an exception.”