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Witty and funny Holidays quotations . . . click on the authors’ names for more.

Bob Hope :
“Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?”

Johnny Carson :
“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. “

W. C. Fields :
“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.”

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The absent are always wrong. - English proverb

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone else to blame.

Faults are thick where love is thin. - Danish proverb

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

Money isn't everything . . . but if you have kids in college,
it surely keeps them in touch.

People who drive like hell are bound to get there.

Wise men take advice. Fools don't.

A bird in the hand is safer than one that’s directly overhead.

Click here for other funny proverbs.