Photo credit: lewisgrizzard.com

Quoting the funny Lewis Grizzard

“For years, I thought drive-in theaters were for watching movies out-of-doors. Then I went to one with Kathy Sue Loudermilk, bless her heart. She was a lovely child and a legend before her sixteenth birthday. She was twenty-one, however, before she knew an automobile had a front seat.”

“I don't think I'll get married again. Every five years or so, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.”

“Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind.”

“Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It's great for the first two weeks.”

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.”

“I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.”

“If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.”

“In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on ... and you're up to somethin!”

“If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi.”