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Dan Quayle :
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
“The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Far East and the Near East from encroaching on each other.”
“This President is going to lead us out of this recovery.”
Dan Rather :
"This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex."
"His lead is as thin as turnip soup."
"This situation in Ohio would give an aspirin a headache.''
"No question now that Kerry's rapidly reaching the point where he's got his back to the wall, his shirttails on fire and the bill collector's at the door."
Dennis Miller :
“The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.”
Erma Bombeck :
“I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out.”
George W. Bush :
“I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.”
“To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.”
Henry Kissinger :
“Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.”
Jay Leno :
“President Bush appeared with Arnold Schwarzenegger at a huge campaign event. Only in California can a governor who speaks German and a president who can barely speak English try to make themselves clear to an audience that's primarily Spanish.”
“An Israeli man's life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man's heart in a heart transplant operation. The guy is doing fine, but the bad news is, he can't stop throwing rocks at himself.”
”CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.”
“George W. Bush says he spends sixty to ninety minutes a day working out. He says he works out because it clears his mind. Sometimes just a little too much.”
“President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas.”
Jimmy Durante :
“Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.”
Jon Stewart :
"We spend so much money on the military, yet we're slashing education budgets throughout the country. No wonder we've got smart bombs and stupid children.”
Laura Bush :
“Though my plans at the moment are vague, I can assure you that I'll never run for the Senate in New York.”
“I said 'George, if you want to end world tyranny, you have to stay up later.' Nine o'clock and Mr. Excitement here is in bed, leaving me to watch 'Desperate Housewives' with Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentlemen, I am a desperate housewife.”
Lily Tomlin :
“Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”
Mahatma Gandhi :
“Men say I am a saint losing himself in politics. The fact is that I am a politician trying my hardest to become a saint.”
Margaret Thatcher :
“In politics, if you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.”
“I don't mind how much my Ministers talk, so long as they do what I say.”
Mark Twain :
"Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
“We have the best government that money can buy.”
“Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we".
“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.”
Robin Williams :
“If women ran the world, we wouldn't have wars . . . just intense negotiations every 28 days.”
“Politics: From ‘poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’”
Ronald Reagan :
“Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.”
"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency . . . even if I'm in a Cabinet meeting."
“Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.”
"As a matter of fact, Nancy never had any interest in politics or anything else when we got married."
Samuel Goldwyn :
“If Roosevelt were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.”
“Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.”
Will Rogers :
“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
“I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!”
“There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”
“The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!”
“Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”
“Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?”
“Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.”
“The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, ‘How is the president?’”
Winston Churchill :
“When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticise or attack the Government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home.”
“A modest man, who has much to be modest about.” (on Clement Atlee)
“He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened" (on Stanley Baldwin)
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