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Quoting the funny Roseanne Barr :

“My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.”

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

“Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?”

“Men can read maps better than women . . . ‘cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.”