Witty and funny Sports quotations . . . click on the authors’ names for more.

Dave Barry :
“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”

“Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.”

Dean Martin :
“If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.”

Erma Bombeck :
“I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.”

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”

James Patrick Murray :
“Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.”

“Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.”

Lewis Grizzard :
“If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi.”

Robin Williams :
“Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.”